“Lucy’s been gone for too long. Something must be wrong out there…she could’ve been swallowed up by the whole earth for all we know!” Chet exclaimed with panic on his wholesomely handsome face. “Relax, man! Lucy’s a big girl. I’m worried about her too but we did help her get out of the vault. I wouldn’t have if I thought she couldn’t handle herself” Norm explained, calming his cousin down. “I guess you’re right but I can’t stand just sitting here waiting on her to get back. We need to go after her” “What?!” “Come on, Norm, we have to! She’s your sister! Who knows what’s out there” Chet insisted, making Norm recoil into his thoughts like he did sometimes, thinking over the point at hand and weighing out the pros and cons.

“They’re not just gonna let us back in with no questions asked when we come back” Norm explained. “I know that but I’m gonna go crazy just sitting here waiting on her to come back” Chet added, knowing that Norm understood his love for Lucy despite their relation. “Fine. We’ll go out in the morning before anyone’s up. I’ll get some supplies tonight and we’ll meet at the vault door early. Got it?” “Got it” Chet agreed with an apprehensive yet excited smile while his more pragmatic cousin began to plan out their venture into the surface.

After sealing the door behind them the next morning, Norm and Chet looked around with suspense in their eyes, unsure what to expect. Maybe Lucy hadn’t even made it more than 50 feet without getting eaten up by something. The possibilities were too endless to dwell on though, motivating the pair to try and focus on finding Lucy instead of what could be waiting around every corner. “How do we know where to go? She could’ve gone in any direction” Chet questioned as they walked. “I guess we just take the easiest route. I don’t see her doing any differently” Norm suggested, letting a new level of confidence replace his usual indifference as he led them away from the vault and away from the comfort of the only life they’d known.

Roughly two hours later the pair of 20-somethings began to fear they’d embarked on a journey they’d underestimated. The surface world was dry and virtually lifeless. There were no friendly faces to help give directions or rest stops to take a minute to collect themselves at; they were on their own and unprepared. “I need to take a break, Norm…these health bars aren’t doing me as much good as the usual vault lunch” Chet complained. “Do you want to find Lucy or not? We can’t just stop every time we get a little tired” the shorter of the two pointed out. “Yeah, I guess you’re right” Chet agreed and took another step to follow Norm but with a quick ‘whipping’ sound through the air, something lassoed around his ankle and yanked him upside down into the air. “Norm! “Chet? What happened?” Norm tried to assess before he too made the wrong move and earned the same treatment, leaving both vault dwellers strung up from two dusty trees upside down.

“Well, well…it looks like I’ve caught me a couple of vault boys” a voice greeted. “Woah! What…what’s wrong with your face?” Chet asked after seeing the disfigured man. “When you live up here as long as I have, your looks tend to be the first to go, handsome” the Ghoul explained. “Let us go! We don’t want any trouble! We’re just looking for someone” Norm spoke up as unshaken as possible. “Well, who might that be?” “A girl…her name’s Lucy. She’s from our vault” Norm answered. “Oh yeah, I know who you’re talking about…we’re old friends by now” “So you know where she is??” a hopeful Chet questioned. “Maybe I do…maybe I don’t but the real question here is how much are you willing to pay to know” “We don’t have money, asshole! Just tell us where she is!” Norm demanded with more fire to him this time.

“Mouthy vault dwellers too…even better” Ghoul answered as he whistled into the air and the earth moved under Chet and Norm, sparking fresh anxiety on the boys’ faces as they watched the sand move until two large worm-like creatures sprang up from the ground. “AAH! What are those?!” Chet shouted. “These babies right here are what they call ‘slurpers’” “Slurpers? What kind of name is that?” Norm challenged. “Well, let’s just say they have a unique appetite” Ghoul answered before both giant worms’ mouths enveloped each of the roped feet down to the ankle. “AAGH! It’s eating me!” Chet exclaimed while thrashing around in the air. “No, not quite” Ghoul pointed out as he watched the slurpers swallow once and then a second time, knowing each worm had just gotten rid of the shoes and socks that’d belonged to the boys.

“OoGh!” Norm scoffed with a spark of confused disgust at the new feeling. “OooHOoaooaoHHhEeEeYY! HhEEyAAHA!!” Chet began to protest with a giggly smile and Norm resisted reacting as much as his cousin was, his face contorting with concentration and minor slips of a grin as his slurper continued. “What’s wrong, vault boy? Looking a little antsy there” Ghoul teased as the tougher of the two blue-suited men struggled to contain himself until he felt the slurper’s tongue snake just the right way across the middle of his naked foot. “AooAOHSHHIIIT!” escaped out of Norm like a delayed firework, breaking the damn of laughter he’d been fighting to control.

“AAhohNnOOO! AOhOHSSTTOhOOP!! CCoOomMEEOOONNAOhAOHA!!” Chet howled into the air with a giant smile as the worm on his foot went to town licking up and down the length of his size 11 over and over with winding, twisting affection. “AohAOhGGOOoOaAAWWAAYYY!” Norm shouted toward the slurper with disgruntled laughter as its tongue focused on his short, bubbly toes like it was aggressively glazing a row of donuts over and over. “Ya see, slurpers are just one of the many side effects of the bombs…they don’t have stomachs so they don’t actually eat anything but boy, they can lick and slurp on stuff for days without taking a break. Their favorite thing to snack on though is a clean, smooth, soft foot, the kind that only people like you have now. I’m sure you can tell but they have these textured tongues, sort of like a cat but a lot worse. Some say it helps them to taste what they’re snacking on better and that may be true but it sure does make it all tickle a hell of a lot worse. Ain’t that right, fellas?” Ghoul asked as he watched his privileged captives squirm and laugh in the air.

“FfFuUuCCkKYYoOUU!!” Norm shouted back, not nearly as polite as his sister. “PLLLeEASSEEAhAHAH MmAAkKKEETThHEEEMMSSSTToOhOHOPP!!” Chet whined with a bubbly, rollercoaster laugh. “Oh, I’ll make them stop as soon as you boys cough up some kind of payment, now for Lucy and to call your new friends off” Ghoul pointed out with the cockiness of a man that knew he held all the cards. “IITtOoLLlDDYYOouUU WWEeDDoOnNTThHAAAVVEeEANNyYPPAhAAyYMmEENNTT!!” Norm fired back with a sudden flick of the tongue across the balls of his feet causing a giggly crack in his voice. “You boys are from a vault; you can pay in more ways than just money” “AhAHA!! NnOOotThHETTOOOEESSAHHAA!!” Chet begged with panicked eyes as the slurper on his lean foot enjoyed his silky toes. Neither Chet nor Norm had ever thought about it or had a reason to really but the Ghoul was right; their feet were perfect for the slurpers. The only time they touched the ground without any kind of shoes or socks on was to bathe, leaving both men with feet nothing short of baby soft. Norm’s were a size 8 and relatively wide with bright pink soles while Chet’s were a few sizes larger, with dramatic scoop arches and peachy soles. No man or woman on the surface had feet as nice as theirs these days and the slurpers couldn’t get enough.

“Now, I could sit here and let the slurpers keep snacking away at your feet until you start telling me what you have to offer but I’m not really a patient man” The Ghoul soon pointed out as he pulled his trusty lasso out and wrangled a wrist from each of them together in one impressive move, reeling them closer together at an angle and each with an arm now stuck over their head before The Ghoul tossed something from his belt toward the ground and kicked it into the end of the rope to secure Chet and Norm in place. “Now, I’ll take those fancy devices on your other wrists and your guns and anything else you have” “NnoOOAOHAOH!!” Norm refused, not wanting to be bullied into giving up their resources. “OOkOOKKAOHA!!” Chet gave in, his will no match for the insatiable tongue slinking back and forth along his high, creamy arch.

“Too bad. Your buddy here isn’t quite as agreeable” Ghoul answered before reaching out and drilling into each of the outstretched armpits he’d forced so wide open. “AAhANNOAohAOHA!!” Chet roared with wilder laughter and Norm couldn’t help but go crazier too as he tried swatting the hand away to no avail. “GGEETTTOOoOOOFFAOHAOHFFRRReEEAAAKK!” Norm yelled as if he was threatening at all in that position, consumed by his own laughter and being tickled in two different ways at the same time. “Surely they don’t teach y’all that name-calling is polite down there in those vaults” Ghoul answered as his fingers moved a little faster and sank a little deeper through the blue suits, ratcheting up the boys’ laughter another octave.

“PPLLlEEAASSEE!! AohHANNOoOOMmmOOOREETTiiICCkKLLliiNNNGG!!” Chet pleaded with high-pitched, increasingly unhinged laughter. “I’m sure where you boys come from tickling is just a silly little way people flirt with each other or something your dad might do to ya every now and then but up here, tickling’s no joke. I once knew a fella who slept with another fella’s wife and he wound up tied to a tree getting tickled by some rowdy locals for three days straight. You boys are far too sensitive to take that kind of risk being up here for very long so you best give up what you’ve got before somebody worse than me comes along and really makes you laugh” The Ghoul laid out, warning the pair of how dangerous it was to be as ticklish as them on the surface.

“OOkOOKAohAOHA!! YYoOouUuWWIIINN!!” Chet doubled down, making sure The Ghoul knew he wasn’t fighting him anymore. “Well that’s one, how about you, short stack?” “AhAOhAOHaohAGGEETTAhAALLLoOHoOSOSSTT!!” Norm refused again as if he wasn’t already about to break a sweat. “Tough guys don’t ever stay tough around me, don’t worry” The Ghoul assured as he left Chet’s armpit and focused on Norm, going after his neck and armpit at the same time. “AhAAHAHhFFUuCUCCKKaohAYYOuUOuAohAOhA!!” Norm got out the best he could with his chin fighting to defend his neck and his other hand failing to deter The Ghoul. “If I had a cap for every time anybody’s said that to me…” Ghoul taunted while wiggling around in Norm’s neck and kneading into his armpit as mean as he could, cranking out an overflow of boyish, angry laughter from the clever vault dweller.

“I’d hurry up if I were you…pretty soon the slurpers are gonna start using their teeth and if you’ve never heard a grown man holler, you will then” The Ghoul warned, earning a terrified look from Chet as the torturous mouth on his delicious foot began to feel pricklier, like teeth starting to come out. “NnOoOORRmMM! AOhAOHJJUUUSSTTGGiIIVVEEuUUPPP!!” Chet insisted. “Yeah, Norm…just give up” Ghoul pressed as he tickled the hell out of Norm’s tender neck and his defenseless armpit all while the slurper on his pristine foot began to show its teeth the same way, warning him of things to come.

Norm’s face was red with frustration and from laughing so much, his pride barely keeping him from surrendering to The Ghoul despite how horribly ticklish he was proving to be; he may have been tougher than Chet but just as ticklish. “I’m fine with letting the slurpers snack on you boys’ pretty feet all night; I may not be patient but the longer you make me wait, the more I’m willing to let you suffer” The Ghoul pointed out as he focused his ticklish persuasion on Norm and Chet began to let out giggly shrieks with the worm’s teeth starting to nibble along the plush edge of his foot. “NNOOAohAOAOWWAAYYAAHAHA!!” Norm tried to reject again before a new hand started tickling him, looking over to see Chet having become desperate enough to end his own tickling to help force Norm to surrender.

“Would ya looka there!” Ghoul laughed as Chet did his best to tickle Norm by digging into his side and ribs. “WWHhAATTaaRREeAohAOHYyOOuUDDOoOIINNGG?!” Norm asked. “SSAAAVViIIInNGGAHAHAHAUuUUSSS!!” Chet answered through forced squeals and desperate laughter as he wiggled up and down his cousin’s side as well as he could, leaving Norm being tickled in three different spots and struggling to not sound totally wrecked. “AAHAOhaOhANNOonNOAOOAHAOHAOHAA! SSTToHohHOOPPPIIITT!!” Norm shouted as he thrashed in the air and his cheeks began to hurt from smiling so much and his helpless foot felt the same horrible nibbling as Chet’s, rocketing his reaction even higher to new delirium until he couldn’t take it all anymore.

“OOkOOKkAOhAOHAOHAAA!! IIIiGGiIiVVEEE!!” “What’s that?” “AhOAHAOHAYYYoOUUUWWIIIINN!! JJUuSSTtTSSTTOhOAHAOHPP!!” Norm surrendered like it pained him to give in but it got Chet to back off and The Ghoul to stop tickling him. “Alright, boys, party’s over” he called out and fired his gun in the air a couple times, scaring the slurpers back under ground and leaving the vault boys exhausted and half barefoot, still suspended between the tree and the ground. “Now then, let’s see it. Cough it up” The Ghoul instructed and both boys reluctantly took off their Pip-Boys and handed over their guns along with whatever supplies they had brought.

“Holy moly…that was so intense. Who knew tickling could be that bad?” the rather innocent Chet asked. “It’s not supposed to be” Norm added with obvious frustration. “It’s not my fault you fellas are so ticklish…but it was nice doing business with you” The Ghoul added before cutting their arms loose and starting to walk away. “Hey! Get us down from here!” Chet shouted. “And tell us where Lucy is!” Norm added. “You fellas seem capable enough. I’m sure you can get yourselves down and find your lady friend. You just better hope those slurpers don’t come back up or one of those tickle gangs don’t find you” “A tickle gang?!” Chet questioned with disbelief. “He’s making that up” Norm assured. “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not…see you fellas around” the Ghoul answered with a smirk as he left to trade in his loot for caps and Chet and Norm began fighting to free themselves before the slurpers got hungry again or they could find out if there really was a tickle gang. And all this time they thought radiation was why the surface was so dangerous…