Max was your average production assistant. At 32 he’d been a part of several film and TV projects but his current job and the one he was most excited about, was Barbie. While he wasn’t doing his part to make the movie go smoothly, Max got to stand by and watch the stars film their scenes. He never got tired of admiring Margot and all the other women playing Barbies but Ryan Gosling was more gorgeous in person than he’d expected. There was an effortlessness to everything he did and his version of Ken as a plastic ‘himbo’ made him even more attractive for some reason. Max had never really gotten the whole Ryan Gosling appeal before now, never understanding the seemingly universal love and attraction to him from women and even some straight men who figured he was too pretty to say they didn’t find him hot, as if it was silly to even try and deny such an irresistible man. Max finally understood and the spell didn’t wear off.

The day where Ryan as Ken was barefoot in his bedroom kept Max’s heart racing as he tried his hardest to steal decent looks during the scene while he was working but perhaps the part of the movie that got his attention the most came later. It was a throwaway line really, inconsequential to the film in any real way but it stuck with him. When Margot’s Barbie returns to Barbieland after the Kens have taken over, one of the other Barbies mention that Allan liked helping give Kens foot rubs to which Michael Cera’s character, Allan embarrassingly denies enjoying. As a foot lover Max felt cheated out of seeing the Kens receiving said foot rubs, missing out on a scene of Ryan Gosling, Simu Liu, and all the other hunky Kens getting their sure to be Barbie-perfect feet massaged. What a waste.

When Max got back to his apartment that night, the foot rub line he’d heard earlier that day hadn’t grown stale to him. He pictured the would-be scene in his head and how fantastic it would’ve been but that line began to spiral into more what ifs. Allan was the one male doll not buying into the Kens' newfound confidence and entitlement; he was different, different enough to be forced to rub the Kens’ feet and serve them along with the Barbies. If that was the case and he’d made it a point to deny liking servicing the Kens in that way, wouldn’t it be reasonable to think Allan might want revenge? Wouldn’t a scene of Allan getting back at them or better yet getting back at the ringleader of the Ken takeover be reasonable? Fueled by creative motivation, Max sat down at his small table with his laptop and opened up a blank document prepared to fill the page with his newest, most inspiring idea he’d had in months. He’d craft the missing scene himself. He’d give Allan a moment of proper retribution, a retribution something like this…

Michael Cera would show up on set to find Ryan Gosling already prepared for the scene. He’d have been buried in the beach sand with only his perfect head and feet exposed, with his boat shoes matching the pastel aesthetic of everything else. The scene itself would be written just to show Allan having buried Ken in the sand, with the whole thing being funny just because Ken was stuck and couldn’t get out thanks to Allan’s surprising mischievous streak. The director, Greta Gerwig would set her camera up and the crew would scatter away from Cera and Gosling as the pair prepared to film their quick scene, what was supposed to be a moment between just them that we didn’t get in the original script. Greta would call action and let them begin, giving Michael and Ryan the cue to get into plastic mode and create what was sure to be a cute scene between Ken and Allan.

“I’m stuck, Allan! I can’t get out!” Ryan would announce as his tan face scrunched with frustration and his blue shoes wiggled in the air in front of him. “This is what you get for making me rub you and all the other Kens’ feet…your smelly, buttery, baby-smooth feet” Michael would answer with an air of unusual confidence, his added details hinting at Allan maybe not really having hated the forced massaging. “Men are supposed to be listened to and obeyed! I’ve seen how things are in the real world and Kens should be in charge! We should get all the foot rubs we want! And you were so good at it, Allan! You give the best foot rubs!” Ryan would point out as if it would be a shame to waste such a skill and not massage the Kens’ feet.

Cera would take a second to show and then quickly hide how flattered Allan was about such a compliment before giving a rebuttal, “I’m a man too but I don’t think I should be obeyed just because of it! I may not be a Ken but I am a man!” Ryan would realize Allan’s point and let his confliction show on his chiseled face before replying, “Fine, I’ll get one of the other Kens to give you foot rubs and cook you cool food too sometimes if you just let me out!” Ryan would offer as he struggled in the sand some more. “…you mean you actually can’t get out? Your job is beach…I’m surprised you don’t know how to escape being buried in sand by now” Cera would laugh. “I’ve never had to learn before. Just help me out ok? I can only move my head and feet; the rest of me is stuck!” Ryan would try to convince in the frank way he said everything else as Ken, knowing this would be where Allan was supposed to give in and start digging sand back to help him out but Michael wouldn’t. He would go off-script.

“Ya know, I think you’ve gotten too much of a big head, Ken…I think you should be humbled a little…yeah, that’s the word” Michael would explain as he sat next to Ryan on the fake beach and pulled the laces loose on one of his shoes, triggering a confused look from Gosling as he realized this wasn’t the plan. “Hey! What are you doing with my shoe, Allan??” “Well, you’re already stuck…I might as well make the most of it, right?” Cera would answer with a light playfulness as he tugged the left boat shoe off and revealed Ryan’s bare foot, just as stunning as the rest of him.

Gosling’s eyes would look toward his director with a controlled panic, knowing everyone usually stayed in character if there were adlibs but this particular diversion would likely put him on edge with suspense. “Why are you taking my shoes, Allan? This is silly” Gosling would try to laugh off like Ken might to try and convince Allan it was a dumb idea. “I only took one shoe off, Ken but if you want me to take both, I can” Michael would offer as if it was Ken’s idea and would promptly steal the other shoe quicker than the first, not even bothering with the leather laces before exposing the right foot, this time with nervous toes scrunching and curling with anticipation as Ryan more than Ken.

Everyone else on set would watch with intrigue as the camera would continue to roll and the scene diverted onto a new path under Michael’s direction. “Do you remember ‘Laugh a Lot Ken’?” Michael would ask as Ryan’s feet sat fully vulnerable in front of him. “No…I can’t say I do, Allan” Ryan would answer with an anxious pink tone starting to show under his tan makeup. “I haven’t seen him in a long time but I remember his favorite thing was laughing. You couldn’t tell him jokes though or anything like that…there was only one way to actually make that Ken laugh” Michael would lay out, looking back from the beautiful size 11s to see the look on Gosling’s face. “Allan, I uhh…I think I laugh enough already. Really” Ryan would try to assure with a forced friendly smile as his hands fought to loosen the sand around him. “I actually don’t know if the other Kens are like Laugh a Lot Ken but there’s only one way to find out” Cera would add before reaching closer to the right foot and letting a few dancing fingers glide up Ryan’s helpless peach sole.

Gosling would likely bite his lip or clamp his jaw down to prevent reacting as his head bobbed around a little with a grin he couldn’t control, a grin of ‘I know Michael Cera isn’t tickling me right now’. He is a pro after all; he could hold his own in such a scene, maybe resist what Cera was trying to get out of him, or at least try. “Maybe Kens aren’t ticklish anymore…does this tickle, Ken?” Cera would ask while teasing the antsy foot attempting to squirm away. Ryan would grunt an answer of some kind of ‘no’ without actually opening his mouth but Cera would only persist, “Maybe you just have to tickle a bit more” Michael would suggest before speeding up his fingers and letting them scratch along the silky sole with more enthusiasm, leaving Ryan’s face tight and his laughter simmering in his throat ready to burst.

Gosling would roll his eyes with disbelief without thinking to stop himself as his left foot would try to block the attack on the right, convincing Cera to give it some attention as well, “I think this foot wants some too haha. You’ll have to wait your turn” Michael would play along to Ryan’s frustration as the steady fingers wiggled up and down the wrinkling foot and the other would try to fight it off only to be tickled into retreat. Cera would watch Ryan struggle, lose his grip the more his foot was tickled, quickly losing the fight to Michael’s slender fingers happily spidering from his supple heel to the base of his handsome toes. Cera would taunt him in a way Allan might, like he was clueless to how infuriating it was, “Your feet are so soft, Ken…like rose petals…and they smell good too, like that banana sunscreen you guys are always using.”

Gosling’s lips would be slipping, losing their lock on each other as Cera’s tickling and taunting pried out the laughter on the verge of escaping. Ryan wouldn’t want to let himself give up, to expose how ticklish his feet were. Surely he was tough enough to outlast Cera but his valiant attempts to not give Ken such a weakness went out the window when a few pesky fingers landed on the middle of the right balls and broke the damn. “ahAH! NnOAO! AAllAAN! SStTOHAOPP!” Ryan would shout with a giggly outburst and obvious embarrassment on his face as he would continue to try and get a hold of himself but fail; he wouldn’t be able to control it after that.

“Look at that! I guess Kens are still ticklish” Michael would point out as he focused on the spot that’d broken Ryan, forcing out a steady wave of warm, charming, reluctant laughter. “AAllAAnNN! CcoOOmMMEeoOON! TThIiISIiSSnNTtCCoOOLLMmAANN!!” Gosling would protest the best he could without swearing or saying Michael’s actual name like he wanted, with his gorgeous feet constantly kicking around in hopes of dodging Cera. “You’re right, it’s not cool to leave your other foot out. Let me fix that” Michael would answer with more put-on air-headedness before letting his other hand go after the opposite foot on the same sweet spot in the center of the pink balls. “AaHAHA!! AALLAAANN!” Gosling might shriek once both feet were being tickled, a humiliating reaction he couldn’t believe he’d let out but Michael hadn’t given him much of a choice. “Man, you are ticklish…I can’t believe I didn’t know that. Maybe your job should change from beach to being tickled. I mean, listen to that laugh – it’s great. Plus, with feet like these everybody is gonna want to tickle them” Cera would wonderfully tease his hunky co-star as he had his way with the leading man feet, relishing the unique chance to toy with Gosling.

“AAAHAHALLAANNpPPLlEEEAASSEE!!” would fire out of Ryan with exceptionally entertaining laughter, the best kind, the forced macho kind, as he continued trying to suppress it, still actively fighting against himself to not laugh but Michael wouldn’t let it happen. His feet would be too much fun to give up. Cera’s relentless fingers would skitter and spider all over both unprotected soles like it really was part of the script, not breaking character for a moment as he tormented the 43 year old movie star. “Please what? Aren’t you enjoying this? You’re laughing quite a lot” “PPLLEEAASSE! AALLAHANN! SSTToOOPPTTiICCkkliINNgGmMEEE! EenNOOuGGHH!” Gosling would eventually forfeit, figuring that Michael wanted to make him say the actual word ‘tickling’ just to make it worse.

“But I haven’t even found out which foot is the most ticklish yet. I think Laugh a Lot Ken had one foot that was worse than the other” Cera would continue, forcing Ryan as Ken to play along. “IIDDoOnNtTkKNnoOOW!! JJUuSSTSStSTToHOOPpPIIIT!! IIIVVeEELLLAAUuGGhHEDDEEnNoOoUuGGHH!” Ryan would assure with less and less ability to hide his mounting desire to punch Cera. “Come on, Ken, surely you can tell me which foot is worse” Michael would press, bending Ryan’s will until he surrendered an answer.

“OOKOOK! MMyYyRRiIIGGHhTT IiISWWWoOorRRSSE!!” “You wouldn’t be trying to trick me would you, Ken?” “NNOoNNOO!! CCOomMEEoONN!!” “I don’t know about that…” Cera would challenge with a smirk of suspicion before focusing both hands on the left foot and launching a fresh, meaner assault on the dreamy sole at his mercy. Ryan would have indeed been trying to trick him and Michael’s choice to target the left foot would surely get Gosling roaring like he never had right there in front of everyone, trapped in the fake beach’s real sand.

“AALLAANN! AGGhAhHAAHASSSTTOOoPPpTTiiiCCkKlIiInNGGGmMEE NNOOWWW!!” Ryan would demand through his thunderous laughter, finally losing more of his cool than he’d like. “What was that spot you liked again? Oh yeah, right here…” Cera would pretend to forget and remember as he grabbed the long, tasty toes and forced them back with one hand before dragging his nails back and forth across the middle of the balls with tight, vicious, horizontal rakes. “AAHahHAHAHAOoOhOHNNOoOOAAOHAO!!!” Gosling would crumble with sharp outbursts and yelps of ticklish disbelief and wide eyes of horror as Michael smiled in satisfaction.

The urge to say ‘fuck you’ or threaten Michael in some way would be near impossible to resist but Ryan wanted to make the best movie possible and trusted their director; the question of if this scene would be deemed good enough to include being the only thing keeping him from hurling the obscenities he wanted at his co-star. “I know they’re not food but your feet look like they’d be delicious, Ken…you don’t mind if I taste them do you?” Cera would ask rather casually, earning another wild-eyed look from Ryan like there was no way he was serious. “NNoOoO! AALLAAnNDDOONnNTT!! JJUUSSTTLlETTTmMMEEOoUUuAHAHAHAHAA!!!” Gosling wouldn’t even be able to finish his rejection before Cera’s tongue would find its way to the opposite foot, playfully flicking across the golden toes and down the rest of his sole like it was a giant lollipop, pushing Gosling’s hysteria to new freakout heights.

“NNO!! NOOOAAOHAASSTTOOOPP!! MII-AAALLLAAANN!!!” Ryan would have to stop himself from using Cera’s real name as the eager tongue moved onto the other foot, the one that’d still be buzzing with the severe tickling. Michael would hold the foot in place as he glazed the balls with long slurps back and forth before snaking down toward his heel like he’d realized how divine the feet tasted and wanted more and more. While Ryan would be busy suffering the lickling and his perfect blonde hair would lose its composure from his head flying around with raging laughter, Cera would finish up on the savory sole and turn his attention to the left toes, spreading them apart two by two with his fingers so he could lick between them and hurtle Ryan’s laughter into uncharacteristic shrieks of ticklish desperation/humiliation.

Once the toes were cleaned out and the usually collected and composed Gosling was a human laugh riot fighting the sand burial for all he was worth, Cera would finally back off and let him breathe. “Ya know, to be honest with you. I didn’t totally hate giving the Kens foot rubs…I actually kind of liked it” Cera admitted as Allan. “Great…that’s just great, Allan…just help me get out of this. Alright??” “Only if you let me play with your feet whenever I want” Cera would answer, getting another shocked/annoyed look from Gosling. “What? Allan, I can’t just let you play with my feet whenever you want…I have a job, here at the beach” Ryan would try to remind, not wanting to agree to the strange condition for Ken. “I can always keep tickling you” Cera would suggest, attacking both supreme soles with his scribbling fingers.

“AAHAH!! OOKOOK!! AOhAOHAOOKK!!” “I can play with your feet?” “YYEESS!! YYEESS!! YyOOuUCCAAANNPPPLLAAAYYWWiiTThHMMyYFFEEETT!!” “Even when you’re hanging out with the other Kens?” “YyEES!!!” “Even when you’re working here at the beach?” “YYEESSS!!” “Awesome!” Michael would finally answer after making Gosling agree to having Ken’s feet played with. “I’m glad we got to talk like this, Ken. We don’t hang out enough” Cera would point out, getting a hostile look from Ryan. “…yeah, me too I guess. Now can you just help me out of here, Allan? Please??” “Just one second…” Cera would answer as he picked up one of the boat shoes and bury his face in the opening before giving it a giant whiff, further fucking with Ryan as he watched. “Allan! You’re helping me out remember!” Ryan would quickly intervene, prompting Michael to pull the leather shoe away from his face. “Oh, right” Cera would answer before starting to dig Ryan’s legs out. “Maybe my job could be beach too, huh?” Michael would suggest, earning a dirty look from Gosling before he would finally escape the sand.

Max looked at his computer with delight, beaming about the would-be scene he’d written and how he would hope it’d play out in real life. But he knew he’d never actually give Greta what he’d written and he’d never get to see Cera tickle and lick and play with Gosling’s Kencredible feet but the fantasy he’d created was close enough to fulfill his ideal day on set, it'd have to be. Maybe he wouldn’t get to see his daydream become a reality but at least he’d get to go back to work tomorrow and help make what was sure to be an amazing movie, even if his version of Barbie would be just one scene better.