Dwight Schrute couldn’t help but peer over his computer every few minutes, confused by Michael’s lack of facetime around the office. Michael was always out and about, avoiding his work and finding ways to have fun at the expense of annoying his employees. But today, his door hadn’t opened back up since he’d arrived, a peculiar change only Dwight seemed to notice.

“Jim, have you noticed anything odd about Michael today?” “Not really, why?” “Just curious” Dwight answered without giving away why he was interested, not wanting Jim to interfere. The investigative salesman casually left his desk and looked through Michael’s window but the blinds were closed, “Hmm…that’s weird too” Dwight realized. “Dwight, what are you doing??” Jim questioned. “Nothing for you to be concerned about” Dwight dismissed, convincing Jim to write it off as just Dwight being Dwight. But the assistant to the regional manager wasn’t satisfied with not knowing, leaving the office to ‘check his tire pressure’ as he announced to the office, and headed to the parking lot where he grabbed his binoculars and straddled the fence to get a look into Michael’s office.

“Interesting…Michael looks to be on some kind of athletic wear website. Why would he be so secretive about that?” Dwight questioned but he’d failed to realize why Michael was glued to his computer screen. Under the men's tab and in the tank top section was picture after picture of men showing off their armpits for the camera and Michael couldn’t get enough. Row after row of attractive guys of different sizes and hair amounts refused to let Michael get to his actual work, his budding affinity for armpits having left him hypnotized by the website.

Dwight continued watching as Michael struggled to type on the keyboard, like he couldn’t hit the keys fast enough before landing on a beach resort site. “He must be looking for tank tops to wear on vacation!” Dwight concluded like he’d cracked the case while Michael drooled over handsome guys playing beach volleyball with their arms way over their heads and a handsome dad by the pool showing off his shaved pits with his arms relaxing behind his head. It’s a wonder nobody else in the office heard him let out involuntary moans every so often as he fawned over the buffet of internet pits, that was until Dwight came knocking on his door only a few minutes later.

“Michael!” “Uhh, I’m busy right now!” “Michael, I know you’re not busy now let me in” Dwight insisted. “I’m way behind on paperwork and stuff, just come back later” Michael rejected, scrambling to come up with a reason to keep Dwight out so he could enjoy his new obsession. “Michael, you give me no choice” Dwight added before unlocking the door and barging in. “Hey! How did you unlock the door?!” “Do you really think I don’t have my own key? You’ve been in here all day; I was starting to get worried” Dwight explained as Michael quickly clicked out of his browser windows before he could see. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going on vacation?” “What vacation? What are you talking about??” “I saw you looking at the resort website and the tank top section of the clothing site so I assumed you were planning a trip” Dwight elaborated, sparking a panic in Michael.

“How did you?? I was shopping for new tank tops because….because I’m joining a new gym…and uhh…then I thought, ya know, I bet a lot of those guys on the resort website workout and are all buff…I could try and figure out what workouts they’re doing…ya know?” Michael sputtered through his explanation. “Michael, I can show you all the workouts you want. I mean look at these muscles” Dwight answered with a flex of his arms, obliviously buying Michael’s made-up story. “Yeah…yeah, I didn’t even think of that. Duh haha…silly me” Michael laughed off with a sigh of relief before seeing Ryan walk through the office, making Michael’s breathing tighten up again.

“Michael, are you ok? You look like my uncle does when he’s about to pass out” Dwight checked as Michael’s face grew red again and his hands clammy with nerves. “I’m fine” he managed to spit out but laying eyes on Ryan in that moment was like seeing a bottle of water in the desert. His developing armpit fetish had set in fast and furious over the past week and his primary fantasy was Ryan, the temp. The thought of getting at or even just seeing his bare pits was enough to get him beyond riled up. It was different than when he was interested in a woman; he could handle that better but this, this was uncharted territory he didn’t have a clue how to navigate.

“Actually, ya know what, Dwight…I’m not fine” “What’s wrong?” “I heard this morning that Dunder Mifflin is looking to open up a new branch and they’re looking for a branch manager. The rumor is that it’ll be somebody from here” Michael fabricated on the spot but Dwight was instantly hooked, “Are you serious?? Do you think I’m being considered?” “I’m not sure…but I did hear that someone from this branch knows who it’s going to be” “Who??” “Ryan” Michael answered like he was impressed by his own quick thinking.

“Ryan?! How does he know?? He’s just a stupid temp” “I don’t know but he must have a source somewhere at corporate” “Damn, do you think he’d tell us?” Dwight asked. “I doubt it; he wouldn’t want to reveal information he wasn’t supposed to know” “You’re right!” “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Michael asked. “You offer him a bonus if he tells us what he knows??” “No, I was thinking we do a good old-fashioned interrogation” Michael explained, practically vibrating with butterflies of anxiety. “Yes! Finally someone around here appreciates the classics. Were you thinking fire ants or using the sounds of constipated sheep? I think I have a tape of it somewhere” “Actually, I was thinking we use a less conventional form of interrogation…I was thinking we tickle it out of him” Michael suggested like he wasn’t sure how it would be received.

“Excellent! They used tickling all the time back in the day. But what if he’s not ticklish?” Dwight questioned, surprising Michael with how on board he was. “I’m pretty sure I saw Kelly tickle him once and he seemed pretty ticklish” “Where?” “Oh…under here…around here” Michael motioned around his armpits, unable to even say the word out loud. “Sounds like a good plan to me, boss. When should we strike?” “I guess after work once everyone’s left” “Right.”

Michael couldn’t finish a single bit of his work for the rest of the day, buzzing with excitement as the clock inched closer to 5 p.m. until finally it did. He waited with horrible impatience as Jim, then Oscar, then Kelly, then Angela, and everyone else filed out of the office for the day and he nearly jumped out of his seat once he saw Ryan make his way past the door. “Ryan! Hey, Ryan!” “What’s up, Michael?” Ryan asked like he hated to even act like he heard his name. “I just wanted to run a few things by you really quick before you left” Michael nervously answered. “Can it wait until tomorrow?” “Nope, no can do, bud” Michael awkwardly assured before Dwight walked in and shut the door behind him.

“Is Dwight a part of this too?” “You bet your ass I am!” Dwight confidently answered before pouncing on Ryan and pinning his back to the wall. “What the hell, Dwight!? Get off me!” Ryan argued while trying to fight back but Dwight was far too strong. “Michael, hand me the stapler” Dwight instructed and Michael obliged, giving him the stapler before Dwight got to work stapling a sleeve of Ryan’s dress shirt to the wall above his head. “What the hell are you guys doing?!? Come on!!” Ryan objected the best he could but couldn’t keep Dwight from securing the other arm above his head, leaving him stuck to the wall.

“Are you guys crazy?? Let me go! I have a date tonight!!” “She’ll have to wait, mister” Dwight answered like he was channeling some Western movie villain. “Right, well, it’s come to my attention that you know who’s being looked at here for the new branch manager position” Michael explained, shaky now that it was all actually happening but he couldn’t back out now. “What are you talking about? What new branch??” the clueless 25 year old challenged with an annoyed look. “You know what new branch - now talk!” Dwight pressed. “I don’t know anything about that! Seriously - just let me go, man!!” Ryan doubled down as he squirmed in place with mounting frustration.

Michael struggled to say anything or make a move, almost in shock that what he’d been fantasizing about was right in front of him. But he knew if he flubbed the opportunity, he’d likely never get it again. “We know you know somebody from corporate told you about the new branch…and we’re not letting you go until you tell us what’s happening” Michael joined in after psyching himself up. “The only person I know is David Wallace but so do you!” “A likely story…” Dwight dismissed. “That’s alright…we’ll just have to make you tell us” Michael asserted before poking into Ryan’s right pit and making him jerk in place. “Hey! Cut it out!” “What’s wrong? A little ticklish?” Michael questioned with another poke in the opposite side just above his ribs, “StTooP mAahN!” Ryan couldn’t help but giggle.

“Oh he’s definitely ticklish” Dwight pointed out with a devious smile. “Guys, just let me go! I don’t know anything! SeriousAahLlLYYAHAOhoHohAohAA!” Ryan couldn’t even finish trying to convince the determined duo before Michael was wiggling into both pits with wild fingers. Ryan’s head bobbed around against the wall and his arms tried to come down but the staples in his sleeves kept them in place, allowing Michael to indulge in the surreal situation uninterrupted. “Guys as ticklish as you shouldn’t keep secrets, Ryan…you’re too easy to turn over” Michael teased while attacking both pits with more enthusiasm than technique but Ryan couldn’t fight it. “AAhAOhmMIiCchAAEElLlSSTTohohOPP!! CCoOMmEEoOnN!” “Tell us what we wanna know then!” Dwight reminded as he watched Ryan flounder against the wall.

“IiIDDoOnNnTTkKKnNOoOWW AAnNNYyTThHhIIINNGG!! IiITToOOLlDDyYOoUu!!” Ryan tried to assure through his reluctant, bubbly laughter but Dwight wasn’t buying it. “Turn it up a notch, Michael…he might be tougher to crack than I anticipated” Dwight instructed and he happily obliged, digging in deeper as he dominated both sides through the white button-down. “AAhAHNNooOOOAHAOH!!” Ryan howled higher with clenched fists and a forced smile while Dwight waited for him to break. But as serious as Dwight was about it, Michael looked like he’d won the lottery, beaming from ear to ear as he tickled Ryan’s helpless armpits and watched him try to endure the concentrated attack.

“Ready to talk, Ryan?” Dwight asked after about 5 more minutes. “IIiDDoOnnNTTkKNnOoOWW AAnNnYyTTThHhIIiNnGAHaha!! IIIMmMTTEELlLLlIinNGGTThhEETTRRuUTTHH!!” Ryan struggled to answer as Michael’s excited fingers wiggled and prodded all over both pits like they’d never stop. “Michael, I think we need to turn the heat up” Dwight informed. “What do you mean?” Michael asked without stopping. “Step aside” Dwight instructed and Michael had to force himself to back off but once he saw Dwight starting to unbutton the top of Ryan’s shirt, Michael thought he’d short-circuit right there.

“Dwight, come on! This is crazy!! I don’t know anything about any new branch! I swear!” Ryan argued with a whiny tone like he hated to even have to try and appease Dwight and Michael but he couldn’t stop his shirt from being undone and revealing his bare pits. Michael felt light headed at first, having to remind himself to breathe as he laid eyes on Ryan in his white wife beater and his pits on full display, now perfectly vulnerable as Dwight stapled the sides of his button down to the wall. They were only mildly hairy and pale, with little muscle definition to them but Michael was practically drooling; it was all too good to be true.

“Michael, I swear I don’t know anything about a new manager or branch! Just ask David if you want to know what’s going on!” Ryan tried to convince now that his tender pits were out in the open and the stakes were higher. “He won’t tell us anything…he’s a corporate man at the end of the day” Michael rejected as he moved back in closer. “Michael, stop!” “It’s not our fault you’re ticklish enough to be tortured with it. City people…” Dwight laughed before Michael dove back in like he couldn’t wait another second. “AAHAOhAOhAohA!! GGEETTtooOoOFFfFAOhAOHA!!” Ryan roared like he hated to give them such a strong reaction but he couldn’t help it.

“That’s it! Get him, Michael! Really get in there!” Dwight encouraged as Michael’s new stiff-fingered approach kneaded into the middle of both underarms through the brown puffs of hair and drove Ryan bananas. His legs kicked around against the wall and he began to sweat from all the thrashing around, helping Michael’s fingers move around even faster. “MMiIiCChHAAEELLPPPLlEEaASSEE!! AhoAohAOhaCCoOmMMEEEOONN! IIiDDOONnNTTTkNNoOOWWAAnNYyYTTThHiIInNNGG!!” Ryan could barely get out as Michael found the sweet spot just below the tufts of hair, “...don’t play dumb with us, Ryan” Michael answered after a few seconds, having to remind himself why he was even tickling him in the first place.

This was the closest Michael had ever gotten to a euphoric feeling, on cloud nine as waves of Ryan’s lingering cologne mixed with hints of sweat caught his nose and even being able to touch his pits seemed to make his fingertips tingle a little from the rush. “I think we should divide and conquer; you take one side and I take the other” Dwight soon suggested. “WHAT?! No way! No, guys, seriously! This is insane! You can’t just interrogate me!” Ryan objected with panic in his eyes, a look that hadn’t been there before. “If there’s a chance I can become manager of a new branch, this is the least insane thing I’m willing to do for it” Dwight assured as he stood by Michael and they faced the defenseless temp.

“Yeah, Ryan…you just need to fess up, alright? We don’t wanna make this any harder than it has to be” Michael added as if Ryan was going to somehow magically have some actual corporate secrets to spill. “I can’t tell you anything if I don’t know anything! Now let me go!!” Ryan argued with another jerk against the wall. “Oh you’re asking for it” Dwight added before plunging into the left armpit with both hands and Michael launched a fresh attack on the right. “AAHAHAHAA!! AOhAOhAOhaNNOONNO!! AOhAOHAAohAOhAASSTTOOOHooOPPPPIIITT!!” Ryan nearly screamed as his eyes flared open wider and his arms desperately tried to pull down off the wall. Dwight quickly proved a much more brutal tickler than Michael as he drilled in like two jackhammers going to town on the sweet spot Michael had discovered while Michael’s fingers flew everywhere from his shoulder to the top of his ribs, wiggling as fast as they could.

“Now that you see how much worse this is, are you ready to talk?” Dwight asked after watching Ryan go crazy on the wall for a few minutes. “AAHOAOOAHAAOHAAohA!!! JJUuUSSTTSSTThOOhOHoPPP!!” “Stubborn fella isn’t he? No worry…he’ll crack” Dwight assured before digging in even faster until Ryan was gushing laughter like a fire hydrant, raging against the wall as he shook in place. As Michael watched Ryan’s own ticklishness and laughter overwhelm him, he realized tickling him hadn’t even really been his goal. All he’d wanted was a chance to enjoy Ryan’s armpits and a tickling interrogation just seemed to be the best way but the more he teased the mostly smooth hollow, tickling seemed to manifest as a secondary fetish for him. He loved admiring Ryan’s pits and smelling them and feeling them but something about being able to get such a lively reaction from him with just the stroke of a few fingers seemed to sweeten the deal even more.

“AAHAOhAPPLLlEEAsSEEE! AOhAOhAYYYooOUuUuGGUUyYySSS!! CCoOMmEEoONNN!!” Ryan tried his best to stop as his face began to hurt from smiling so much and his pits grew pink from the steady stimulation. “Tough guy, huh? You know in certain civilizations where tickling was used as a form of torture, they would often utilize goats to help really make the prisoner suffer” Dwight explained as he stopped tickling, cueing Michael to reluctantly stop as well. “What? We don’t have any goats, why would we use goats??” Michael questioned while Ryan caught his breath in front of them. “Just follow my lead…we’ll know who’s gonna be a new manager in no time” Dwight assured before leaning closer to Ryan’s left armpit and sticking his tongue out. “No…NO! Dwight! DWIGHT! AoaHAOhAOhAoOAhAOhAAOhAAHAA!!” Ryan exploded with eyes of horrified disbelief as Dwight licked around in his pit as if he’d skipped lunch.

Michael thought he was seeing things at first; surely Dwight wasn’t licking Ryan’s armpit and surely he didn’t want him to do the same…it was too much to stand. He might combust right there in front of them. That or if he started he might never stop. “Michael, come on, we’ve gotta double team him!” Dwight instructed after several seconds of Michael not joining in and the Scranton manager leaned in closer to the right side, almost shaking with anticipation before sticking out his tongue and giving one long lick all the way up. “AAAAhAHAHAHANNOOOO!!” Ryan screamed like licking was truly too intense to handle but it was like Michael had tasted chocolate for the first time, suddenly craving more as he went back in and let his tongue wiggle around like a wild man.

Dwight was more strategic with his licking, dragging his tongue back and forth with long licks for a more drawn-out effect but there was so much going on that Ryan couldn’t have told you who was doing what. He tried to protest and get them to stop but he couldn’t even make it through the word ‘please’ without more laughter commanding his throat. His cheeks were bright red and his wife beater started to cling to his body from the sweat, showing how stiff his nipples had become from the marathon of tickling but neither Dwight nor Michael were backing off. Dwight was too determined to find out what he supposedly knew and Michael was in his own version of heaven.

The only thing that did give Dwight pause was seeing Hank the security guard’s car pull up to make sure the building was locked up, fearing he would hear Ryan laughing his head off and get involved. “I guess we’ll have to be quieter until Hank leaves” Dwight pointed out before planting his hand over Ryan’s mouth to muffle his laughter and went right back to licking with unwavering focus. “MMpMMPHMAPHMMphMMPHM!!” Ryan erupted again into Dwight’s firm hand and Michael suddenly made things even worse with a stray hand latching around Ryan’s hip and squeezing like he was a stress ball. “MMPHMMAAPHAMPHMPMM!!!” Dwight picked up on the sudden spike to see Michael squeezing into his hip, “There ya go!” Dwight encouraged before using his free hand to go after his stomach, digging into the shallow abs with a wide claw hand.

Ryan made a wilder sound than he’d ever heard come out of him and he hoped he’d falter into silent laughter just to spare his own pride but no, he was an out of control mess, shrieking and roaring into Michael’s office as they continued lapping up his creamy, extremely ticklish pits and digging into his hip and stomach at the same time. Part of Michael began to feel a bit bad for putting Ryan in this situation, unaware how relentless Dwight would be or how good of a tickler he was before this. Ryan couldn’t save himself if he wanted, laughing too hard to make much sense even if he had any secrets to tell. Michael figured he’d make up something to satisfy Dwight and convince him to stop torturing Ryan at some point, maybe once it started getting dark…or when he got hungry…well, he’d end it at some point…eventually.