It was my first day on the job and I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I mean, I had an idea. It was a correctional facility. I assumed it was similar to any other jail but the interview process and even the job listing seemed a bit vague. Paulson Correctional Facility didn’t even really look like a jail, more like some kind of unassuming rehab facility or even a fancy doctor’s office. I walked in and explained who I was and was promptly directed to the man I’d be shadowing during training, a tall drink of water with broad shoulders and an overall vibe I couldn’t read right off the bat.

“Nice to meet you, Elliot, I’m Wade Jackson. I oversee most of the day-to-day operations of Paulson Correctional Facility” “Nice to meet you too” I answered with a nervous smile that seemed to contrast my somewhat stereotypical guard uniform. I felt too soft for the uniform and the job but it was still a job nonetheless. I’d have to fake it until I got more comfortable. “Since you weren’t scheduled to arrive until 11 a.m., you missed our morning routine but you are just in time to see what makes this facility special. You ready to walk?” Wade questioned. “Yes, sir” “Let’s get to it, then” Wade instructed and I followed his big-booted feet past a few badge-required doors until we landed at the beginning of a long hallway.

“Did anyone at the employment agency explain what we do here?” Wade asked before we went any further. “Not exactly but I assumed this was just a normal jail” “I guess that leaves me to enlighten you. See, the jails in the county and most of the surrounding counties, hell even in the state, are usually at capacity. People would be let out after three days for overpopulation without any kind of real time being served. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t seem right to me” “Uhh…no, sir” “That’s where we come in. Most of the people arrested and put in jails like you were imagining aren’t there for major crimes, the majority of them not even violent offenders. Andrew Paulson started this facility several years ago to bridge a gap in the system; offer a punishment to said low-level offenders that prevents them from overcrowding the jails” Wade explained as I followed his trail but wasn’t sure where he was going.

“So, what happens here? What kind of punishment does this place provide?” I questioned. “Mr. Paulson believes in an unorthodox way of allowing people to suffer the consequences of their actions. He convinced the courts to offer an alternative to sitting in jail or paying a hefty fine. Offenders could be presented with the choice of either spending a long chunk of time sitting in a cell or paying thousands of dollars or spend a week or two here” Wade elaborated, still leaving me without the meat of the answer I was looking for. “Walk with me” he instructed before I could say anything else and I followed him down the hall where a large window to our left gave me my first real taste of Paulson Correctional Facility.

In the room was a young man, younger than me, with short, light red hair seated in some kind of chair thrashing around and looked to be shouting with a stretched smile across his face. His upper body was trapped in a straitjacket and straps sat across his chest and waist keeping him in place against the back of the angled chair. His legs sat stretched out diagonally in the air with the soles of his bare feet facing us, being scratched and wiggled across by two other men in the room with outfits like mine on.

“Wha…what are they doing to him? Are they…tickling him??” I asked like I couldn’t believe my eyes, in awe of the sight in front of me. “Yes, sir” Wade casually answered as if we were watching a show he’d seen plenty of times. “Don’t worry; it’s a two-way mirror. He can’t see or hear us. We can hear him if we want through this speaker if you hit that button” Wade pointed out, signaling me to press the red button and I did.

“AhAhAHANNO! NNOOo!! AOhAMmOOoTThHERRFFuUuCCkKKEEERrsS!! ahAHAhAAGHH! GGEETToOOFFmMYYYFFUUuCCkKIinNnGGAHAFFEEET FA-!” Wade shut it off mid-slur now that I’d heard the mouthy inmate laughing with ticklish frustration. “Cooper’s a fiery little guy isn’t he? He’s military, marines I think. He got into a bar fight a couple months ago and won actually but the other guy pressed assault charges and the bar owner was coming after him for property damage. I’m actually surprised he chose to come here instead of the jail time and paying the bar owner. He’s one ticklish motherfucker” Wade laughed a little as we both watched the pale, freckled 24 year old violently fight the straitjacket and the chair holding him hostage to the tickle torture. His feet weren’t big at all, maybe a 9 or 8? He only looked to be maybe 5’7 but I could tell he had a tight body. His soles were a bright pink as they wrinkled and squirmed under the relentless fingers and now that I’d heard how rowdy he was, I knew exactly how wild he was laughing in there as I watched him go crazy in the chair.

“If you walk this way, you can meet our newest inmate, Mr. Sage” Wade pointed out and I followed, leaving the temper-fueled tickle meltdown in Cooper’s room to see a man who could’ve been my grandpa. I looked down at the information screen in front of the window to find out more. Name: Greg Sage – Age: 62 – Offense: Unlawful Game Hunting – Most Ticklish Spot: Ribs and Sides. I looked back up to see a lean, sun-kissed man standing up between two sturdy poles with a wrist secured to each of them so his arms were out to his sides. His ankles had been locked into a spreader bar so he couldn’t really walk or kick and as I watched, I understood why that must’ve been necessary.

Wade pressed the speaker button and filled the hallway with a dry yet bubbly, rolling laugh. The men in there with him stood on either side of him poking and jabbing up and down from his waist to the base of his armpits, proving that the Paulson jumpsuit he wore provided zero protection from the barrage of stiff fingers making him jerk and dance around. “AooOOooAohASSTTOoOOpPP! SsTTOOPPIiTnNooW! AAOhAEenNnoOoUuGGhH! TTHIiSSiISSBBuULLLShhIIITT!” Greg protested with an almost warm smile that looked a little out of place on his wrinkled face, like he hadn’t smiled that much in years.

The reality of the Paulson Correctional Facility was nothing I could’ve ever guessed. The logic of offering minor criminals an alternative sentence made sense but tickling seemed bizarre. “Do you mind if I ask why tickling is what Mr. Paulson wanted?” “It seems strange at first for sure but he based his idea on the fact that if someone is ticklish, prolonged or intense tickling can be its own punishment. A man like Greg and someone like Cooper, a man nearly a third of his age, can have a shared weakness that can be exploited. There’s no pain involved, no extended chunks of time taken from the inmates’ lives, and it can be quite the deterrent for repeat offending” Wade answered, making more sense than I’d anticipated as we moved onto the next inmate.

I looked at the information screen this time before the actual inmate. Name: Anthony Williams – Age: 33 – Offense: Trespassing, Vandalism – Most Ticklish Spots: Feet and Buttocks. My imagination began to swirl with what I’d see before I directed my attention to Anthony but I couldn’t have guessed what I found. The rather skinny man sat on his back on what looked like a bench with his arms and legs up above him, his wrists and ankles locked in a set of horizontal stocks attached by poles to the bench he was lying on. He was naked, taking me by surprise, but I knew why as I watched another pair of men focusing on the two spots that’d been listed for him.

One danced up and down the backs of his thighs and all over his ass with loose, spidering fingers while another stood on a step ladder beside the contraption with two electric toothbrushes, focusing the buzzing ends all over the upturned caramel soles. This time I accidentally turned on the speaker and got an earful of Anthony’s spirited reactions. “AahAHASSHHIITT!! AohAYyOOOO!!! YYOoOAohAHA!! CCoOMMmEEOONN!! AohAhAoAAhahaFFFuUCCKK! LLLEEEtTTMMEEoOOuUTTAATThHHIIISSSHHiIiTTmMMAAahANnAhAHAHA!!” Wade turned off the speaker before I could, “He’s a real talker. You’d think he’d be laughing too much during this to not be but no” Wade pointed out as I continued watching the scene in front of him, Anthony’s small ass shaking from the marathon of light tickling dominating his cheeks and thighs and his lean, smooth feet wiggling in place as if there was somewhere for them to go.

“This next guy is a real winner. He got arrested after golfing all day for a DUI and ended up having coke on him too. Turns out his ex-wife was already filing charges for back child support at the same time” Wade explained as I glanced the info for him. Name: Peter Young – Age: 45 – Offense: DUI, Cocaine Possession, Failure to Pay Child Support – Most Ticklish Spots: Neck, Ears, Armpits. I looked through the mirror to see Peter stuck to a vertical table. His arms were strapped to it just high enough to expose his naked armpits and his legs had been secured by two more sets of straps. What surprised me were the straps across his forehead and mouth, seemingly keeping his head looking straight forward and immobile while his two ticklers did their jobs. They each stood on either side of him with two feathers, one for twirling around in his pale pits and the other for teasing his neck while they looked like they were talking right into his ears.

“What are they saying to him?” I questioned. “They’re not really saying anything. They’re making this really annoying ‘whisps whisps whisps’ sound with their mouths like wet whispers or something. It’s pretty messed up honestly but apparently it tickles like a bitch” Wade answered as the scrunched, quivering mad look on Peter’s face made more sense. I couldn’t tell how much he was laughing due to the gag over his mouth but I could tell from the way his small beer belly shook that he must’ve been really hating life. “I actually went to school with him” “Yeah?” “He was a preppy asshole and grew up to be a preppy asshole adult who gets piss-drunk every time he plays 18 holes” “Is this weird for you then? Since you know him” “Nah. He deserves it” Wade answered, making me wonder if he ever took a turn dishing out the punishment Peter had signed up for.

“How do you know where they’re the most ticklish?” I asked. “Mr. Paulson helped develop this technology that indicates where on the body is most sensitive. Most of the same spots light up on everyone but the colors on the reading will change depending on the level of sensitivity” “That’s…impressive. Is there a women’s section of the facility?” “We only deal with male offenders. For some reason the tech that lets us see where you’re most ticklish doesn’t work on women” “Huh. Interesting” I answered, still taking in the whole situation I’d walked into as Wade guided me to the next window.

“So, for every new employee that doesn’t come in with any specific skills or experience, we give them a kind of placement test. It helps us see where you’re most suited whether that’s being a normal guard, custodial work, a tickler, a strategist, or even a cook” “Alright…” “The first part of your placement test is with Hunter here” Wade added as I looked through the mirror to see a young man with shaggy black hair that’s shape alluded to a hat usually being worn. He wore an attitude on his face with a fuck-you eyebrow and stoic lips to match his tight jaw, perhaps to seem tough in his situation despite having his hands cuffed behind his back. “He’s here for stealing a couple’s boat and joyriding it until he crashed into another boat, causing roughly $40, 000 worth of damage. I guess that’s what dumb 21 year olds do nowadays” Wade explained, shaking his head in mature disapproval.

“So, what am I supposed to do?” “You’re gonna take a look at his information and tell me how you think he should be tickled” “Really? Me?” “Well, I’m not asking him” “Right…” “You’ve seen what kind of equipment we have here but we have a lot more where that came from. Sometimes we even have new stuff built when our strategists come up with new ideas. There’s no wrong answer here, kid, I’m just seeing what you think” Wade elaborated, essentially giving me the controls as I assessed Hunter’s chart. Most Ticklish Spot: Everywhere. I was relieved to see I had an easy prompt. I wouldn’t have to think-up some unique, specialized setup. My wheels began to turn and I looked back at Hunter who didn’t even know we were there, now audibly complaining but I couldn’t hear him. “What’s this guy whining about?” Wade questioned as if reading my mind before hitting the speaker button. “This is fucking bullshit, man…come on! I’ve gotta fucking pee! I should’ve went to fucking jail…this is so stupid” Jaxon groaned with a slight country twang in his voice until Wade shut it off. “Typical new guy bullshit. So, you know what you wanna do yet?” “Actually, yeah…I think I do.”

Wade took me to eat lunch and by the time we returned, Hunter was already suffering my decision. He sat on his back strapped to a man-sized, X-shaped table in only his green inmate pants. His arms and legs had been secured to the four extensions of the X and his head had also been strapped in place by his forehead and chin. Hunter had been positioned so the side of him faced us, allowing Wade and I to see the full scope of his situation. Even his fingers had been individually strapped down so his palms were facing up and wide open while his big toes sat tied back to the leg extensions, keeping his meaty soles taut.

I watched with a strange sense of pride as four ticklers worked him over. One was underneath the X pawing away into his armpits while another stood between his legs with one hand squeezing into his thigh and another daggering into his belly. The third tickler stood at Hunter’s bare feet, currently using two hairbrushes to scrub the lush soles as they glistened with baby oil. The fourth tickler seemed to really intrigue Wade though, “Damn, Elliot! Are they tickling his mouth??” “Yeah, I remembered this thing they used at the dentist one time on me to keep my mouth propped open. Then I also remembered hearing somewhere about how ticklish the roof of our mouth is so I kind of put them together” I explained, almost starting to feel a bit guilty about how sinister my plan for Hunter had turned out but Wade soon hit the speaker button and let me hear just how effective my design was.

“AAAGGhAohAOHAhAAGGhAHA!!!” Hunter roared with overwhelmed laughter, surely dying to swear and insult or threaten the men tickling him if he could actually form any words. You could hear the surprise and disbelief in his voice and angry, higher-pitched outbursts would shriek out every time a particularly good spot was hit by one of the ticklers. I didn’t know Hunter but I recognized the kind of guy he was and part of me wanted to humble him, to break him of the youthful arrogance I could practically smell through the two-way mirror and from the sounds of it, that’s exactly what was happening. “Shit, look at that…looks like he wasn’t lying about having to pee” Wade pointed out as a dark stain started to grow around the crotch of his mint-green pants, not a steady growth but like Hunter was actively fighting to hold it in and slowly losing the battle.

We watched the one tickler start focusing the hairbrushes on the balls of Hunter’s size 11s and the one between his legs decided to devote their full attention to the thighs, audibly wrecking the boat thief even more with the two-handed assault. The tickler at his armpits had started alternating between lighter and heavier techniques to keep things from getting too predictable and the man tickling the roof of Hunter’s potty mouth had picked up a feather to tickle the palm of the right hand at the same time. “Well, I think this answers where you’re gonna be placed here. Hunter’s not gonna like it but I think you’re a born strategist” Wade explained. “Really? You think so? I mean I was just working off the top of my head with this” “Yeah, exactly. You look sweet but some part of you is a real asshole and while we don’t tolerate any kind of mistreatment or get any kind of kick out of the work we do, having strategists with twisted minds can be as important as having guards with good ethics or ticklers with enthusiasm. Welcome to Paulson, kid. You’re gonna do great.”