Turbo-Man might as well have been gold that 1996 Christmas season. The large action figure found itself on countless wish lists across the U.S. and nearly just as many parents aimed to make sure the coveted toy was under the tree by the morning of the 25th. One such parent was Howard Langston, a workaholic mattress salesman who’d failed to get his son a Turbo-Man earlier in the year. Unfortunately, that was only one example of how Howard had failed to prioritize his family that year and his son, convincing the 40-something dad to make it his mission to bring home a Turbo-Man that Christmas. However, as he made his way from store to store in the city that Christmas Eve, he came up empty-handed. Not only were they universally sold out but other parents hunting the toy were posing another problem, with most of them prepared to do whatever it took to acquire a shiny red and gold Turbo-Man figure. 

The lack of success and rising stakes around finding the toy made the clean-cut suburbanite more reckless the longer the quest for Turbo-Man continued. This compromise of good decision-making led Howard to a warehouse that he thought could be the answer to his Christmas Eve problem after getting a lead to check it out. The handsome salesman opened the door of the warehouse to find more Santa Clauses than he’d ever seen at once, with most of them moving boxes or unboxing things. “Is this where the mall Santas of Minnesota hang out or something?” Howard questioned to himself as he looked around at the collection of men in red and white. 

“What are you doing here, buddy? You look lost” one Santa greeted after noticing Howard. “Yes, I heard you might be able to help me out” “You’re gonna have to be more specific, pal. What? Your kid miss their chance to visit Santa at the mall this year? We don’t make house calls” “No, nothing like that. I was told that you may have a Turbo-Man doll here. I’d be willing to pay double, even triple what it’s worth!” Howard explained, getting a dismissive laugh from the Santa. “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. You’re in luck. Here’s your Turbo-Man right here” the lead Santa, Vince, answered before turning around and pulling a toy out of a shipping box, instantly souring Howard’s moment of excitement. 

“That’s not Turbo-Man…this is some knockoff toy. I need the real thing!” Howard stressed. “Look, buddy, we’re not Toys R’ Us. This thing is as good as any real Turbo-Man out there” the Santa defensively argued. “What is this? What kind of operation are you guys doing back there? Is this all knockoff toys?” Howard questioned with new attitude as he looked in a couple more boxes. “Hey! That’s our merchandise here! You don’t like it, don’t buy it. Now scram!” the Santa fired back. “You know what you guys are? A bunch of sleazy conmen in red suits” Howard concluded, earning an angrier look from the main Santa. “What did you call us?” he asked just as the rest of them turned their attention to the exchange. 

“You heard me right – conmen, thieves, digenites, low-lifes, thugs, criminals!” Howard doubled down as the Santa army listened. “Those are fightin words around here, pal. Put em’ up!” the Santa challenged with his fists in the air. “I’m not gonna hit a Santa Claus” “What are you? Chicken?” the mouthy Santa taunted before breaking into a mocking chicken dance, only angering Howard more until he grabbed the man’s fake beard and yanked it back before letting the elastic go and pop the man right in the face. “…get him!” the main Santa shouted and the hoard of seasonal employees made their way to Howard. One came at him with karate moves to which Howard combatted fairly easily and another armed with candy canes as nun chucks approached, convincing Howard to grab a giant, decorative candy cane and knock the Santa down. 

But that initial success was quickly reversed when several of them approached him at once, almost ambushing the built salesman until he was backed against a pole. “Hey! Get off me!!” Howard shouted as he tried to fight them off but was overwhelmed by grabby hands ready to rip him apart while Howard argued and shouted and at one point let out a laugh, breaking through the ruckus. “Did he just laugh?” one Santa asked. “No! I did not laugh, you overgrown decorations!” Howard protested but another hand snuck through the shuffle and landed a wiggle into his side, making the family man laugh again. “HeEhEY!” “He did laugh – he’s ticklish!” the same Santa announced, shifting Howard’s expression of anger to more nervous as the fighting divulged into something else. 

“Take him down!” another Santa instructed like a battle sergeant and the gang of Santas overpowered Howard until his coat was thrown across the floor and he was flat on his back on the ground. “No! Leave me alone! I’m going to call the police!” Howard argued as he jerked and fought the Santas but even his above-average muscle mass for a man like him wasn’t enough to keep the disgruntled men from tying his arms above his head to the vertical structure pole with Christmas lights and securing his ankles to a metal table they used for unboxing the toys, leaving his legs spread in a V and elevated off the ground. 

“Are you guys out of your minds?? Untie me! This is crazy!” Howard protested with strains of his abundant muscles against the makeshift bondage but the packing tape around his ankles was too layered to escape and the strands of lights around his wrists and hands were just as tough. “You come into our warehouse looking for some toy you were too slack to get before Christmas Eve and badmouth us hardworking Santas…you need to be taken down a beg, bucko” the main Santa from before explained while most of the others went back to work, leaving only three hanging around Howard. 

“You think because you tied me up that I’m what? One of your fake toys?” Howard challenged with his ego coming through more. “Sure, you’re like if G.I. Joe got married and domesticated” one of the other Santas teased, making the others laugh. “No, pal, we tied you up so we can do this…” the main Santa clarified before poking a few times into Howard’s stomach. “AhA get oOOfF!” Howard barked as he tried to jerk away. “Solid tummy…but still ticklish” the same Santa noted with a devious tone to his voice, unnerving Mr. Langston even more. “No! Let me out of there – now!” “We’ll decide when you’ve had enough, tough guy” the main Santa replied while unbuttoning Howard’s shirt and diving back in with only the thin sweater for protection. 

“AGgAhAHNnoOO! STTOhOP!!” Howard shouted through his forced giggles like it pained him to give into the tickling but it proved too much to combat as the crooked Santa jabbed all over his belly with stiff fingers. “Come on, boys, join the party. There’s plenty of him to tickle” the head Santa invited and the other two happily found spots to target on the stretched-out salesman. The taller one, Jimmy, knelt down by his legs and latched onto both thighs with squeezing hands, immediately jumping Howard’s deep laughter. “AAhAHNnoO! GgeEheTToOoFFMMmEEE!!” “Big guy like you can’t handle a little tickling?” Vince teased with a smug grin as the poking and prodding continued, dominating Howard’s dad abs with a constant stream of blows. 

“IIIcCAANnhHAaAnNDDLLLeEEYYOoUAH! UUNnTTiIiEEMmMMEE!!” Howard fired back through his embarrassingly heavy laughter. “His legs are like steel tree trunks…I’m surprised they’re even ticklish” Jimmy added while continuing to prove his point, chomping up and down the jeaned-legs with as much of a grip as he could get on them. Brian, the shortest of the three Santas, stood between Howard’s spread legs and started unlacing the left boot, triggering a troubled look from Howard as he felt his boot growing looser. “NNoOHOo!! LLEeAAVVeEmMYYSShHOoOEEOooOhHOHNN!!” “Sounds like he wants to keep his shoes on, Brian” Vince added. “There must be a good reason then” Brian answered like he knew exactly why Howard was fighting to keep his boot but even the strong toes scrunching inside couldn’t keep Brian from prying it off, revealing a socked 13 ½ ready to kick each of their asses. 

“Come to daddy…” Brian said mostly to himself as he brought the opening of the brown boot to his face, dipping his nose past the edge for a big inhale of the manly musk inside. “Damn, he’s got some ripe feet” Brian laughed before going back in for another long whiff, the comment earning another look of troubled disbelief from Howard as he caught a glimpse of Brian huffing his boot like it was a scented candle he couldn’t get enough of. “SSTTOhOpPPTTHhHAATT!!” Howard argued. “This is some quality dad feet stench right here…no way I’m turning that down” Brian answered as he pried the tongue of the boot back a little and buried his face in deeper, shocking Howard in a way he had never experienced. 

“Brian, you pervert” Jimmy teased, getting a middle finger from Brian before he put down the seasoned boot and turned his attention to the giant foot in front of him. A black sock perfectly displayed the meaty outline of Howard’s sole and his thick toes, the sight only further inviting Brian to let his fingers explore the captive foot. “AAGhAHAhASSTTOHOP! HoHANOOOO! NOAOhAOHGGEHeEETTAAAWWAAAYY!” Howard erupted with a fiery outburst once he felt the third Santa starting to spider down his foot but his reaction only fueled the trio more, happy to see such an enthusiastic reaction from him over being tickled. “Tickle his feet, Brian! He loves it!” Vince encouraged just to spite Howard as if Brian needed encouraging. “YYOOouUGGuUyYySSAAAHRREE GGOOoIinnGGDdDOOoOWWN!!” “Yeah, we’ll see about that” Vince dismissed just before Brian got another big reaction from speeding up his attack, doubling his efforts up and down the long foot dying to get away from him. 

Jimmy soon moved down to Howard’s knees, surprising the toy hunter when the squeezing returned and another spot proved to be a hit. “AhAHAHAhAHAHADDAAMmMMiIiTT!! CCOOMMmeEOOoHONN!!” “Come on, more?” Jimmy questioned before chomping in a little harder to get Howard howling even louder. “YYOOOoOUUuAASSHHoHOOoLLEE!!” “Language like that? On Christmas Eve? You should be ashamed” Vince reprimanded with fake offense. “I don’t have any soap to wash your mouth out but I can get rid of this sweater” Vince explained before taking the end of the turtle neck and hiking it up to force it behind Howard’s neck, leaving his sculpted upper body on full display. 

“Wowee…check out Mr. Universe over here” Vince mocked with a fighting expression from Howard before he returned to strike fresh torment on a new spot, diving into both cavernous armpits. “AAHAHHAAHAHANNOO! AohAohASSTTOHOHPP! SSTThOhOOPpIIITT!!” Howard erupted with a powerful yank against the lights around his wrists but couldn’t save himself from the daggering fingers in his tan underarms. “I know you dressed in layers for the cold but you probably should’ve worn a few more if you wanted it to be harder to tickle you, I mean a shirt and sweater is all there is between you and a few eager fingers” Vince taunted while digging around in massive pits, perfectly getting under Howard’s skin and undermining any macho sensibilities he had. 

“AAhgAhAHAAEeNNOOOuUGGhH!! UuNnNTTiIIEEEEHEMEMMEEEE!! NNooAOAOWWW!” Howard raged through the stretched smile but none of the Santas listened, too wrapped up in making him regret ever saying a bad word about any of them. About that time, he felt his other boot coming off and a second wave of dread came over Howard as Brian made quick work of the second shoe and was met with the same addictive aroma. “NNOOhOHO!! LLLEEAAVVEEiIiTToOhOONNN!” “Yeah right” Brian dismissed as the warmth of the inside of the boot met his nose and he indulged in the aged goodness living in Howard’s shoe, every note baked into the insole from years of Howard’s big, powerful feet sweating and marinating in them when he’d shoveled snow or run around town like he had today. 

When the fragrant boot was finally put down on the table, Howard suddenly wished Brian would’ve kept sniffing. The 20-something year old Santa wrapped both hands around the edges of the socked foot and proceeded to scratch across the cotton-covered sole with harsh, direct clawings. “AAAAHAHAH!! NNOOAOOAHAOH!! OOohOAhMMYyGGoOODDAOhAOHA!! SSSTTohohOHPPP!! YYoOUuUVvvEEGGOoTTAASSTTToHoHOPP!!” Howard shouted with wide eyes like he’d never realized how ticklish he was or how brutal such tickling could be but with every raking of his fingers, Brian proved over and over how horrible such a little bit of strategic attention could be on feet as sensitive as his. 

“Oh, man haha…he really can’t take it on his feet, man” Jimmy added, only slightly older than Brian. “I can tell” Brian answered with a bit of twisted pride in the reactions he was getting as he made his way down the sides of Howard’s foot to scratch across more of the beefy sole he could feel under the sock. “AAhAHGhAOHOANNoOOoMMmOOoORREEE!! TTHThIIIiiSSAHAHAINnnSSaAAHhnNEE!!” Howard shouted like he had a say in what was happening as his long limbs yanked and jerked at the tape and strands of lights keeping him so uncharacteristically helpless. “Insane is walking into our warehouse and calling our stuff knockoff” Vince answered while practically burrowing into the mighty pits. “And calling us thieves and low-lifes!” Jimmy chimed in without a moment’s rest from squeezing just above Howard’s knees. “Yeah, that too. You may have some cushy job and a nice house but obviously all it takes is a little tickling to make you squeal like a little girl” Vince added just to mess with him more and it was working, provoking another strong pull on his bondage as he fumed with ticklish frustration. 

“IIMmMmGGoOnnNAA EENNjJOOoYYYSSEeeiInNgGGYYoOOUUU IINnHhAAHANnDDCCuUUFFFSS!!” Howard assured. “Ooh, I’m shaking in my Santa boots” Vince undermined, making the others laugh. “Ya know, seeing you like this reminds me of one of those rainbow xylophones we have somewhere in here…I don’t have the little stick you play it with but this will have to do” Vince explained before leaving the now sweaty pits and pouncing on the large rib cage with the same infuriatingly effective poking fingers from earlier. Howard’s laughter inflated again and he shook back and forth on the floor but found no escape from Vince’s steady jabbing along his ribs, perfectly wiggling between each of them in opposite directions and he moved up and down both sides. “AAhAhGGhaAhAOhASSTtoHOHoHPPP!!” 

Most of the Santas that worked in the knockoff toy warehouse had rather average lives without much excitement other than their favorite ball team winning every now and then so something like this happening was like finding a new exciting show on TV. Tickling Howard was entertaining on a base level like it was tickling anyone who was pretty sensitive but it being a guy like Howard made it even more of a blast. They could all hear the unique tone of disbelief in his laughter and outbursts, as if being tickled like this wasn’t anything a man like him was supposed to experience. Not only that but Howard’s intimidating size and hyper-masculine features and voice made it that much wilder that he was so ticklish, that reality only adding to the surreal frustration he couldn’t hide as the trio of scorned Santas got their payback on him. 

“How about I come down here with you, huh?” Jimmy suggested as he left the strong legs and hopped up on the metal table near Brian. “You get that foot and I’ll keep on this one” Brian instructed loud enough for Howard to hear and ignite fresh panic. “NnOOO! NnOOoOtTBBOoOTThhFFEEETT!! CCOOmMEEOooOoNN!! HhhAAVVEEAAhHhEEAARRTT!!” “We’re just criminals and thieves, right? We don’t have hearts” Brian answered before ripping the right sock clean off to make things even worse for Howard. “Yeah! Let’s get rid of these socks” Jimmy agreed as he started grabbing the top of the left sock but Howard did his best to keep it from leaving, kicking his foot around as much as possible and crunching his toes but it only took a quick stroke up the wrinkled sole to release his toes, allowing the sock to slip off. 

“Wow. His feet look even bigger without the socks” Jimmy laughed. “You know what they say about guys with big feet…more to tickle” Vince added while still playing Howard’s ribs like a toy, refusing to let him relax. “NnoOOo!! NnOOAOhAOhAGGUUuYYySSDDoOHOnNTT!!” Howard protested with urgent enthusiasm but he could’ve offered the young Santas all the money in his wallet and it likely wouldn’t have been enough to keep them from tickling his huge bare feet. Brian grabbed the tan toes and pried them back before scratching across the bright pink balls of the right foot, hitting Howard like a train. “AAAHAHOAHOAhohAOHAohASSSTTHHoHOPP!!” he roared with an overwhelmed look on his handsome face but Jimmy was right behind Brian, launching onto the mature sole at the other end of the table with all ten fingers. 

“AAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!! NNOoOHAohAOHAAOHAA!!!” Howard laughed loud and hard enough to fill the whole warehouse, convincing some of the other Santas to stop working and watch the hilariously entertaining scene that’d developed. “Oh, man, those feet of yours are no joke, are they? But you’re just covered in sweet spots…I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if anywhere I go gets a laugh out of you” Vince teased before squeezing into his hip and then wiggling a finger in his bellybutton and then fluttering along his neck, getting a spike of laughter each time. “What’d I tell ya? What good are all these muscles?” Vince taunted as he moved around to sit across Howard’s arms, further limiting his movement, before dividing his attention between the pits and neck this time with focused, vicious fingers for each target. 

“AAGGhAHAYYOOUUuCcAAnNnTT!! AOhAOHAYyYOoUUCCAAAhanNnNTTDdoOOOTThHiIiSS!!” Howard tried to convince, clinging to a sense of right and wrong that the Santas didn’t fully subscribe to. “It looks like I can, buddy…I don’t see anybody stopping me…especially not you. You’re tied up like a Christmas tree to the roof of somebody’s car” Vince laughed while jabbing and poking around between both armpits and wiggling around on Howard’s neck and collarbone until a wave of goosebumps took over Howard’s shirtless body. His bright smile was on full power from the forced laughter and his head bobbed around like he’d blow his top under Vince’s relentless tickling but nothing seemed to make any of it any less awful. 

Brian switched from his first technique to suddenly clawing down the entire sole, commanding a frantic outburst from Howard the first time his short nails raked down the full length of his foot. “I bet you didn’t even know how ticklish your feet were, did you?” Brian laughed before dragging back down again while still holding the toes back, feeling them try to break free the whole time. “AAAAHAHHAAANNOOOOAhAOH!! PPLLLEEAAAhaSSEE!!” “I can’t believe you’re actually begging” Jimmy laughed while still spidering across the satin sole in front of him, plaguing the entirety of the powerful foot with his playfully evil style of non-stop tickling. 

“IiLLLPPpAAAYYYYyooOUUOU!! JJUuUSSTTSSTToHOHOhOPP!!” “Somebody’s sounding a little humbler than when he walked in here” Vince added. “YYyEESSS!! YyYEESSAOhAOAOKKK!!” Howard agreed like he thought that would appease the leader of the shady Santas as his feet, neck, and armpits were tickled to no end. “Like I said, we decide when you’ve had enough, big guy” Vince answered with a smile Howard wanted to knock off his face before he started tickling his nipples instead of his neck, making Howard make another face of disbelief at the fact that there was still more of him to tickle. “See? I was right; you’re ticklish everywhere, partner” Vince pointed out as his fingertips teased the now stiff nipples back and forth and the hand that’d been in the armpits started back on his ribs, cranking Howard’s laughter back up another notch. 

Brian moved around to sit on the table with Jimmy and got even more close and personal with the foot he’d gotten to know, leaning in further now that he was facing the sole, and sniffing the incredible smell coming from Howard’s naked foot as he started concentrating on the high arch. “Oh yeah…now I know why your boots smell so good” Brian grinned as he scribbled along the long stretch of arch and kept Howard howling himself red on the floor. “GgEETTTooOOFFmMYYyAHAOHAAOHFFEEEEETT!!! SSTToOPHPSSSMMEELLiInNnGGGTthhEEEMMM!!” Howard objected, hating the idea of having his foot sniffed and enjoyed so much while he couldn’t pull it away. “No way. This is what I wanted for Christmas” Brian teased as he started scratching along the base of the toes at the same time, earning a sharp gush of laughter from Howard once the nails were clawing along his plump toes.

“WWhhAATTAAARREEYYOOOuOaOhAOHDDoOoiiNNnGG?!” Howard asked once he saw Jimmy holding something and running it across the top of his foot. “It’s a Troll Doll; their hair is like, super ticklish” Jimmy explained like he was proud of himself for thinking of it as he dusted the tan top of Howard’s defenseless foot with the green-haired toy and spidered along the balls on the other side at the same time, throwing Howard for a loop with the contrasting sensations. “Dude! That’s a great idea” Brian exclaimed after seeing him use the Troll Doll to tickle Howard, convincing him to look around for a second before grabbing a yo-yo. “NnOOoOAHOH!! NNoOOomMmOoOORREETToOoOoYYSS!!” “I thought looking for one is what got you in this situation?” Brian challenged as he unraveled the string around the base of the toy and slipped it between a few of Howard’s juicy toes. Even sliding the string between them made Howard cringe but the real effect came seconds later when Brian started pulling the string back and forth, annihilating Howard’s toes with the thin string. 

“AAAAAHAOhAOHAOhAOHAAA!! AALLLRRiIiGGHhTT!! AOhAOHAEENNNOooUuGGHAHAH! PPLLLLEEEAAASSEE!!!” Howard let out like a dragon breathing fire with a wild-eyed look on his stressed face. “Oh, man, he hates the string in the toes” Vince laughed as he watched his fellow Santas tickle the hell out of Howard’s massive feet. Jimmy got a real kick out of running the hair of the Troll Doll up and down the top and using his fingers on the bottom while Brian looked like he'd discovered some new invention as he pulled the yo-yo string back and forth over and over, threading the thin rope between Howard’s hairy toes as they desperately tried to wiggle free of the horrendous weaving. 

“Are we still crooks and criminals and degenerates?” Vince asked while now just focusing on Howard’s ears and armpits. “AHoAHANnOooO!! NNoOAohAOHAAYYOoUuUUrRREeGGRREeAAHAT!!” “You mean that?” “YYYEEEESSAHAHAH!! NNoOOoWWsSTTOOHOhoPPPTTIIiCCKKLLIInnNGGGmMmEEEEEHEHE!!” Howard quickly gave in like all the fight he’d had when he’d first walked into the warehouse had been tickled out of him. “Are you gonna buy some of our merchandise?” “YYyEEESSS!! AOhAYYYEEESSS!!” “You can buy this Troll Doll; his hair probably smells like your feet by now” Jimmy teased while Vince enjoyed making him eat slice after slice of humble pie. 

However, as successful as the trio of Santas were in bringing Howard down a notch, their bootleg toy operation wasn’t quite as solid. Thankfully for Howard, the word about their illegal toy situation had spread to the boys in blue, leading them to raid the warehouse before Howard could agree to any other demands. After arresting most of the Santas, one of the policemen wanted Howard’s statement. “Sir, what was going on in there exactly? We heard a lot of laughter and I believe begging before raiding the place” he explained, putting a specific look on Howard’s face. “Listen, officer, we don’t have to do a whole report on my involvement here, do we? I mean, I’m not pressing charges” “If you don’t mind me asking, sir, why not? It looked like they had tied you up with Christmas lights and packing tape and were possibly…tickling you?” 

“No! No, do not include that anywhere…just forget I was even here, alright?” “Are you sure?” “Yes. I’d like to pretend that none of this happened. I want to go home and take a nap, after a few beers maybe” Howard explained. “Right…well, that’s your choice, sir” “Thank you, officer” Howard answered with relief just to not be getting tickled. “Oh, we called you a cab to take you home” the officer added just as it pulled up and on the roof was an advertisement that Howard could only take as some cosmic joke – Turbo-Man! The perfect gift for Christmas! Get yours now!